26th August, 2025
Words to convey and inspire confidence
THIS ARTICLE examines how impactful our words can be. Shelagh has recommendations for routine self- audits to ensure your words convey and inspire confidence. You'll find two helpful lists below. One contains phrases that, when used in business conversations, day to day life or job interviews, may serve to undermine your image. The second list provides replacement phrases you may want to practice incorporating in your conversations.
who inspires your confidence?
Think of a couple of influential people who inspire your confidence in their abilities, credibility and expertise. We don’t typically see such people undermine their authority, credibility or influence with their words or voice, do we? The way we speak, and the words we choose, speak volumes about how we perceive ourselves. These same practices can influence how others perceive us.
Do your word choices reflect your professional credibility, and convey and inspire confidence? Or have you slipped into communication habits that may unintentionally coach people to perceive you as less informed, less credible or of lesser value to the organisation than you actually are? If so, this can undermine your influence and impacts.
conduct routine self-audits
Recognising habits that don’t serve us and changing those habits by tweaking our word choices can positively elevate our image, impact and influence. Scheduling pockets of time for recurring self-audits of your communication practices can help identify communication habits you want to drop, develop or reinforce.
Think about phone conversations as well as virtual and face to face meetings with your principal and other parties. How do you approach people when you need to interrupt a meeting, whether or not you knew in advance that you’d need to do so? When you’re a meeting participant and you have a recommendation to offer, or if you’re asked for your opinion, how do you preface your remarks?
If you’re like me, you’ve likely been in situations where a person or team is working on a decision and is missing insights they should consider, or failing to take policy or compliance requirements into account. How do you launch into contributing information or insights that can help inform good decision making?
In addition to routinely auditing verbal remarks, it’s helpful to also audit your written communications – messages, posts and emails you’ve sent.
SET A RECURRING APPOINTMENT IN YOUR SCHEDULE FOR COMMUNICATION AUDITS
Set a recurring appointment in your schedule so you can routinely review the following list and consider whether you’ve been using any of these or other potentially undermining phrases. Read them aloud, and listen to yourself as though you were your principal, or your colleagues in a team meeting.
Think about this list in the context of in person and phone conversations as well as virtual meetings with colleagues and external contacts. Put yourself in others’ shoes, and consider whether you’d think you were speaking with someone who is knowledgeable, credible and confident when speaking with someone using the following phrases.
- JUST: I just/I just thought/It’s just a thought/It’s just my opinion …
- Sorry to bother you …
- I may be mistaken, but/I may be off base, but/I may be wrong, but …
- I’m not an expert/I’m not an authority on this, but …
- ONLY: It’s only … I only …
- BUT …
- I kind of …
- To be honest/Frankly …
- Maybe we should try …
do you sometimes undermine or undersell yourself?
Consider whether you use such phrases in your day to day life and career. If you’re in the thick of a job search, give extra care to how you respond to questions.
Do you choose words that affirm the value you bring to the role, or do you unintentionally undermine or undersell yourself?
be self-aware, learn from EXPERIENCE and boost your influence
Self-awareness goes a long way. Over the course of a decade as a governance professional, I was responsible for providing advice to the board Chair, committee Chairs, the CEO and the board as a whole.
One day, during a phone conversation with Paul – the Chair at that point in time – we were discussing potential strategies the board might want to consider in relation to a particular topic. Paul was an external board member, not an employee of the organisation. He has high levels of expertise, yet he understandably didn’t have the depth of organisational and sectoral knowledge I brought to the conversation. I believed planning was heading down the wrong path, and knew we would develop better recommendations if I offered my knowledge.
How did I approach this? I began by saying, “Paul, I may be mistaken, but …”
… and, in that moment, I realised I’d used this phrase on two or three other recent occasions when providing Paul the benefit of my experience and expertise.
Why did I let those words come out of my mouth? At the time, I believed it was a gentle way of redirecting planning given what I saw as a flawed approach or a need for information. In reality, I was not giving Paul or myself credit. Paul was consistently receptive to the governance expertise I’d built, as well as my knowledge of the organisation and sector. We had a great working relationship and were able to respectfully challenge one another.
Even as we continued the conversation, I gave myself a virtual swat to the head and committed to dropping a phrase I’d not even realised was becoming a go to when I was about to offer a different perspective or additional insight. In suggesting I might be wrong when I knew I was right, I was undermining my own knowledge and expertise – not a good look for someone responsible for advising others.
tweaking word choices can positively impact your image
The same goes for apologising when you need to interrupt a meeting. If an interruption is necessary, we can begin by thanking people for breaking from their discussion while we relay whatever information is appropriate, bringing an interviewee or other guest to join a meeting, or asking for a moment with an individual you need to pull briefly from a meeting.
After that phone conversation with Paul, I kept my commitment to dropping a phrase that was in danger of becoming a habit. It may be challenging to break habits that don’t serve us or our colleagues, and yet the positive impacts and outcomes are more than worth the effort.
Be intentional in identifying and prefacing questions, interruptions or recommendations in a way that conveys confidence. This can be particularly helpful when you’re not feeling confident. As long as you know what you’re talking about, aim to choose words that convey your knowledge, experience or insights on the matter at hand. Speaking with authority does not involve being aggressive; it implies instilling others’ confidence in you and what you have to say.
Here’s a sampling of choices that can positively shape your professional image and how others perceive you. Which phrases might you use, or do you already use?
try these on for size
I believe/I believe this would …
I’d like to touch base …
Excuse me/Thank you …
I’d like your thoughts on this.
What are your thoughts?
Yes, and …
I believe … (or simply provide the information)
Let’s try/We should try …
Replace “but” with “Yes, and …”
When we use the word “but” in responding to a person or idea, it’s a bit like pulling up the drawbridge from your castle moat /your perspective. Think about it when you’re on the receiving end of a “but” in conversation. It may come across as defensive, or it may sound as though the other person is briefly acknowledging what you’ve said before moving on to discount your remarks or idea.
Rather than pulling up a drawbridge with a “but”, we can build bridges when we say, “Yes, and …” as a segue to what you have to say.
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